Drama

I am the proud mother of a (soon-to-be) teenage drama queen. MacKenzie will start middle school in the fall. She is excited to be leaving the little kid world of elementary school, but she is starting to get a little nervous about the new world in that enormous building, where she is sure she is going to get lost, no one will like her, she won't have any friends, she won't have good teachers, and she won't understand her Math homework. She didn't believe me when I told her that middle school is going to open up a whole new world of opportunities for her. She will make more friends than she can count on all her fingers and toes. She will love her teachers. She will surprise herself by how easy her Math becomes.

We had a parents' meeting tonight for the show choir kids. The kids had to come too so that they could run through the show (verbally for now) and give the director their T-Shirt sizes. Tyler stayed home because he was sick with strep-throat. While the kids were off doing their thing, we met with one of the other parents who has been heading up the efforts to really make something of our group. It was informational, well organized, and I'm very impressed so far. I hope that we get tremendous support from the other parents. I am the secretary of the Performing Arts Parents group. Yikes! We'll see how that goes. ---Where was I?--- Oh yeah --
After the meeting, I talked to the director about Tyler, picked up some additional music for him, and then talked to her about Mac's apprehension. She looked at MacKenzie and told her that if she needs anything, has any problems, wants to talk, someone is picking on her, etc., that MacKenzie can come to her and she will "deal with it." She will always be here for her. I cannot tell you how special that made Mac feel. She just beamed. We were walking to the van and she said that "Mrs. E" was already her favorite teacher, and the new school year hasn't even started yet. She is now looking forward to middle school.

I wish I was. I'm not ready for my baby girl to grow up. Isn't that horribly selfish of me? I look back over the past 11 years since she was born, and all that she has accomplished. I see her first steps, her first words, her first everythings. I remember the little girl in the cowgirl Halloween costume when she was 2 - all fur and fringe, hat and boots, long curls sticking out from the hat and the look on her face - that of a very very very tired little girl who had eaten too much candy. I remember when she was about 6 - Tyler had just started performing in show choir. She was too young to be part of it, but that didn't stop her from learning ALL the songs, and ALL the dances, and doing them right there in the audience, to the delight of many of the other parents. I remember her really liking "Baby One More Time" by Brittney Spears and making me play it over and over and over in the car so that she could sing along (to this day, I HATE that song!). And I look at her now - she is almost as tall as me (not a big accomplishment by any stretch of the imagination), her hair is much longer and beautifully curly, her eyes are so green, she has a beautiful smile, and her laugh can light up any room. She is planning for braces within the next year. She is anticipating "womanhood," and dreading it at the same time. My little girl isn't just my little girl anymore. While I'm still her mom (with all the power that implies), she is becoming a friend too. I'm sure that sometime in the not so distant future, my daughter will look at me and think, "Mom you are soooo lame!" But maybe not. Maybe we will always be close. I hope so.
Did I say DRAMA? Wonder where she gets it?

Its Just Like My Life!

I've told you all about my daughter, MacKenzie, right? Well, she is 11 and her best friend, Brittany, is 12. They were out riding bikes today and Mac took a little tumble. Evidently, she was riding too close to the back end of Brit's bike, hit the back tire, and went ass-over-apple-cart, ultimately landing on her little backside. She bruised her tailbone, and has a nice big strawberry on her right gluteus maximus. While this isn't funny to most people-most would say, "Oh...Poor Baby!"- I laugh my fool head off! Mac has not been the most graceful of children this week. Yesterday, she was walking up the back steps, into the house, and tripped on the stairs. She slid down their rough, concrete facade, scraping up the back of her leg, her forearm and her elbow. So...now, she just looks like she got hit by a car...a real train wreck!! Bruises on her arms, scrapes on her legs and butt, and she half-cries-half-laughs every time she moves. She sees the humor in it, but it hurts, so she doesn't know how to react. Yes....Poor Baby. I told her to sit on some ice for her butt and she looked at me like I was insane. The next minute I catch her shifting around and sure enough, she has the ice pack under that raw right cheek. As I think of it now, I'm having a hard time keeping a straight face. :-)

Mac wanted to read to me again tonight. She is really in the habit now of reading at least one chapter of whatever book she is into to me before she goes to sleep. I love it. It gives me a chance to be near her, and listen to how far she has come in her reading and comprehension abilities -- actually, I just like to lay on her bed - she has a nicer mattress than I do. Anyway, tonight we began a new book, "Sammy Keyes and the Mystery of Moustache Mary." I LOVE Sammy Keyes books!! They are fabulously written (can't think of the author just now), imaginative, and descriptive, and Sammy (who is female) reminds me so much of me when I was in that 'tween stage of life. Tonight, Mac was reading about Sammy riding on some one's handlebars when she gets thrown off, skids across the pavement, and scrapes herself up, but good. Mac looks at me, sighs, and says, "Its just like my life!" I laughed out loud, nearly peeing my pajama pants, as she looked at me seriously and said, "Mom! It is not funny that I hurt my butt!!" Oh, Mac, YES IT IS!!! She cracks me up. Everyday, she says or does something that makes me laugh or smile, or just chuckle to myself - I hate to say it, but I think she just reminds me of me when I was her age. My mom says so all the time, that Mac is her mother made over. Good Lord...Don't You think unleashing one of me on the world was enough? Maybe it was all the mistakes I made over the years? Maybe the Lord is trying again with a younger model? We will never know - at least not till we get to meet Him in person one day!

Mac tried out for the middle school show choir. She will be entering middle school this fall, so they have auditions in the Spring, just before school lets out for the year. Tyler is already a member, and will be in his final year of middle school this fall. Anyway, Mac tried out. She didn't think she did all that well, and was worried about her dancing ability. The director emailed me and asked Mac to come back in for a call back this week. That can only mean 2 things...either she is really bad, and they just want to give her a chance to redeem herself, or she is border lining on pretty decent, and they want to make sure that they are making the right decision to keep her. Well, actually, it was a call back to make sure that they COULD take her. She showed her skills at both singing and dancing again, and then taught the dance to a few students who didn't make it to the first audition last week!! That did it! She showed her compassion and love for teaching others. She is kind, and patient, and giving of herself. These are qualities in my daughter that I cherish above many others. We got the news today that she was awarded a place in the group!! There were over 400 students that tried out, and only room for 30 boys and 30 girls. I am VERY proud of her.

Well, tomorrow is another day! Thank you to those who read my blog and leave comments. Its nice to know that someone is enjoying my ramblings!
Good night!

Another Week!

I can't believe it has been a whole week since I last posted! To my regular readers, I apologize, and I will not leave you hanging this long again! I promise.
What has been going on?
Well, lots actually.

This past weekend was Memorial Day weekend, which is always great because it gives me an extra day to just hang out. And hang out I did! Saturday was jam-packed with graduation parties (Congrats to my friends, Kami, Derek, and my cousin Amelie!!), and of course I have to send big HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes to my Dad, and my daughter-from-another-mother, Amanda-Panda. I loved celebrating with all of you!
For those that graduated from high school, I was honored to be able to share this right of passage with you. I wish nothing but the best for you, and I hope that you understand college is not just one big party. You will get out of it, what you put into it. Give it your best.

I shared in another right of passage this weekend. My daughter, Mac, shaved her legs for the first time. She is 11 and going into middle school, so she figures that all middle school girls do it, so she had better to, so as not to be called "gorilla girl" by her peers. I think she just really wanted to try it out. She did pretty good. You go, baby girl!

Tyler spent part of Sunday in the ER. He had been at show choir practice (www.cedarrapidsperformancecompany.com), and was on a break. He was climbing on the monkey bars at a nearby park and when she went to hang by his knees, he smacked his head on the bars. OUCH! That earned him a nice goose-egg, and a nasty bruise. He garnered neck X-Rays for his effort, and some time at the hospital. Then, home, and Tylenol. What a way to spend the day!! Poor kid! LOOK WHERE YOU ARE SWINGING NEXT TIME! I love ya.

Back to work today. Its Tuesday, but feels like a Monday (see previous post about Mondays).

Don't you hate it when there is that one person at work that really gets under your skin? Well, I have one of those people. They (I will not be gender specific here to protect the identity of the subject -- actually, its to protect myself thank you very much) are making me crazy. I hate it when someone asks me a question, and when I provide an answer, they dump all over it, like it was stupid or something. I guess I figure, if you know the answer, don't freakin ask me! Its really pretty simple! That's better. This individual is really a nice person. I just wonder if they think that they know everything and they are just testing me, or they just can't accept that my way just might be better than theirs. Oh well. I will probably never know.

How is the weight loss going? Honestly, I don't know. I didn't weigh myself today (chicken), but I will tomorrow and report back. Lets hope for a nice loss!!

Love to all. See/Read you tomorrow!

100 Pounds of Emotions

My doctor says that I need to watch my weight, watch my diet, and exercise more. I can do that. I will watch my weight creep ever higher, watch my diet enter my mouth, and then the chewing and swallowing action should qualify as exercise, right? Just kidding. Actually, he said that I need to lose a "considerable" amount of weight. Why is it that doctors can't just come out and tell you how much weight they want you to lose? Its like they are trying to protect your feelings. I know I'm fat - give it to me straight, Doc! They give you your current weight (in my case, 247) and then they give you your "ideal weight" (for me, 135-145). So, as it applies to me, "considerable" means about 100 lbs. 100 POUNDS?!! Holy crap! When did I pack on that much weight? Lets see...was it during my first marriage? Yeah, I can account for about 40 lbs during that 10 years. How about not losing the weight after the kids? Yep - I gained 30 lbs. with Tyler and actually came out of being pregnant with Mac, lighter than I went in, so that doesn't apply. So, that is a total of 70 lbs. What about the other 30? Probably my divorce. After all, I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm depressed, I eat when I'm angry, I eat when I'm excited, and I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm in a box, and I eat when I'm with a fox....Oops! Carried away on the Dr. Seuss. Well, it didn't come on overnight and as much as I would like it to, it won't go away that fast either, but I will work on it. I took my first step today.

If I counted up all of my "first steps" over the past few years, I bet I could have walked all the way to Timbuktu and back and would have already lost my 100 lbs! Today, I packed my gym bag and headed there after work. I climbed on the bike - it seemed to be the most benign of most of the machines there, and has been my friend in the past. I plugged my headphones into the CardioVision (Yes, TVs attached to each machine!!), turned on the movie "Sweet Home Alabama," and started to pedal. Uphill, downhill, faster, slower. The heart rate monitor recording that my heart is still beating and that I am not suffering from cardiac arrest - yet. My breathing deepens as the intensity of my pedalling increases. Sweat pouring off my forehead, my elbows, running down my back (Damn...I need a shower now!). I will NOT wear shorts right now, so I have sweat pants on - hence the profuse sweating. I look around and there are others there too. Skinny-minis in their cute little outfits, walking on the treadmills and chatting. WHATEVER! Get moving you little.....!
At the end of the faux-bike ride, 50 crunches on a stability ball while holding a 10 lb. weight to my chest, and then stretching. This violent attempt at getting my fat butt in shape took 40 minutes. Not too bad. The endorphins are kicking in full blast now and I'm feeling pretty good about my effort. If only I can do this every day!! I have to do this every day!! I CANNOT let the scale's numbers go up anymore! I am too young to be like this!!

I am asking you, my rabid readers, to assist me in this journey. Those of you I see regularly, if you see me putting something in my mouth that is any color other than that of a vegetable or fruit - yank it away and scold me intensely!! Those who don't see me often, words of encouragement go a long long way. I heard somewhere that if you tell people that you are changing your lifestyle (I hate the term "dieting"), then it is easier to stick to it. After all, you don't want the humiliation of failure staring you in the face!!

Right now I feel pretty good. The happy emotion...
...where is my BEN and JERRY'S!! (just kidding - carrots anyone?)

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Actually, my 39th birthday was yesterday - 05/19. Remember when you were little and you would do the math and figure out what year it would be when you turned 30 because 30 seemed "sooooo old?" Well, I was thinking about that yesterday and realized that I hit 30 in 1998! I remember being 12 and wondering how old I would be in the year 2000 because that seemed so far off. That was back in 1980. In the year 2000 I turned 32. Now, I'm approaching the big 4-0 with lightning speed, my kids are growing up right before my eyes, and I remember back when I was 12 thinking "20 years is a really long time from now. I wonder what life will be like then?" Well, life has changed tremendously since 1980. In 1980 we first got cable TV - we had like 30 channels, most of them movies, and music, in addition to our normal ABC, NBC, CBS and iPTV stations. I thought MTV was the greatest invention in the world and watched it continuously. TVs were your typical analog sets with an antenna on the roof of the house - if you had cable, you had a little box with a dial sitting on the top of the set. You still had to get up to change the channels. There were some remote controlled TV's but we didn't have one. I had a bike with a banana seat, but that year on my 12th birthday, Mom and Dad blindfolded me and led me outside to see my new red 10-speed with white curly handlebars!! I thought I was in heaven! There were no cell phones, so if I rode my bike to see my friend Tammy in Robins (took me about 20 minutes to get there by bike) Mom made me call to let her know that I got there OK. Instead of an i-Pod, I had a one speaker boom box that fit in a backpack on my back for portable tunes. There were no computers except at school, and those would only help you with math problems. There were no cable modems yet - you had to dial a number on a phone, and place the handset in a modem cradle for the computer to pick up the signal and do its thing - like I said - just math problems. Technology isn't the only thing that has changed...music too is different. We didn't hear rap in the 80s, we had "bubble-gum" pop, we had the "urban cowboy sound," and of course heavy metal was still popular. My favorites were early Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Rick Springfield, Prince, KISS, Motley Crue, anything really - I wasn't too picky. Interestingly enough, at that time, liking country music was not something to brag about, but I was truly a closet fan. I enjoyed Johnny Lee, Johnny Cash, and of course the "new" artists at the time, Randy Travis, George Strait and Reba. Fashion was parachute pants, lots of eye makeup, boots, really tight jeans that tapered at the ankle, leg warmers (thank you, Olivia Newton-John and Flashdance), headbands, and very very big hair. If it didn't take an entire can of hairspray in the morning to get ready for school, then my hair was not big enough. The cool cars were fast and loud - Camaro, Mustang, TransAm - and lots of time was spent at the roller skating rink perfecting our "moves."

Yes, time has really flown by fast. It amazes me how many of the things that I loved back then are popular again today - tight jeans are coming back, although you will not see them on this butt! The 80s sound is becoming a popular music trend again - hence the popularity of the new hit movie, "Music and Lyrics" with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore. Hair is shorter and sleeker, unless its longer and fluffier, so I think the trend now is no trend at all. It is do-what-you-want with it! Cell phones, i-Pods, and PDA's are all the rage, and the price of gas is right around 3.25 per gallon now compared with about 1.00 per gallon in 1981 (although adjusted for inflation, the 3.25 is supposedly the same as the 1.00 back then. WHATEVER! It still spends the same!).

Next year, I'll turn 40. My husband smiles, my friends tell me to "watch out." Well, guys, just for future reference, I plan to be unreachable that day. No black balloons for me --

--I'm going bungee jumping.

Day from Hell -- or Worse

Days like this should be outlawed. There should actually be some kind of legislation put in place to prevent people from having days where they want to pull out their hair, inflict bodily harm on someone, lock themselves in their bedroom and scream, or all of the above. Why is it that we are allowed to have days like this? Is it some way of reminding us that other days aren't as bad as we think they are? Is it so that we appreciate the days that are just mildly annoying? Perhaps it is just simply that GOD said that while we were on this earth we would need to endure much tribulation. Well - my tribulations have come to a head. Today was the worst and if its true that it can only get better, then I am in for a real treat. And the real kicker --- ITS FRIDAY.

Friday is supposed to be the day we look forward to all week. It is that magical day we all work toward. We get up on Monday morning, tired from our busy weekend, some of us still hungover (not yours truly of course) and really dreading the workday. Tuesday isn't much better than Monday with the exception of it being just one day closer to Friday. Wednesday is "hump" day. Why on Earth do they call it that? By Thursday there is light at the end of the tunnel and the work is getting a little easier. Then on Friday everyone celebrates because they know that after this they don't have to work again for the next two days. They can sleep in, eat out, and have a good time. Well -- not for me it wasn't. Today was the kind of day that belongs on Monday. The kind of day that does in fact, make me appreciate the other days of the week. This was simply put - the worst.

It began benign enough. We are doing great on our workload, not in danger of getting behind, and so its a good time to complete "records management" (a fancy term for "Clean out your email and your hard drive, Stupid!") , clean out my desk, work on committee activities, you know the drill. I spent my day preparing for a meeting I had this afternoon. Most of the time we work without an agenda and I hate that. I want structure. I want focus. The problem is, that everyone on this committee must have ADHD. I think that is what makes us good at it. Anyway, the agenda can help with managing the lack of structure/focus. So, I prepared the agenda. I went to the meeting feeling pretty good about it. I was looking forward to getting down to business and really getting some work done. Most everyone was there albeit a few who had conflicts. Then it happened -- one person grabbed the floor and just took over. Normally in a setting like this, a facilitator is needed, even welcomed. I have no issues with that as a rule. However, in this particular committee, TEAMWORK is the key. Instead we had one person doing all the talking -- telling us what we will do. We had other people talking over that person, and then by the end of it, I had such a raging migraine that I thought my eyeballs were going to pop out of my skull, fly across the room, and hit the know-it-all square in the forehead. Actually, that would have been pretty funny. So, I kept my mouth shut and my pen poised. I took the most complete meeting minutes I had ever taken in my life. When the meeting adjourned, I went back to my desk, wrote up the minutes, and took a breath. But wait-there's more! The longer I sat there, thinking about the meeting, and about my role in it, the madder I got. Dammit! There is NO "I" IN TEAM. Yes, I suppose its rather cliche, but I don't care. It fits the situation. There was no organization. There was no conscience. There was no respect (thank you, Mr. Dangerfield). Oh well, what else can I do about it. Some who read this will say, "Cara, you need to learn to play nice with the other kids," or "Get a grip, enjoy your weekend, and screw them!" I think I'll choose the latter.

One more thing - lets add to my glorious mood. My birthday is tomorrow. I'll be 39 and it is depressing me to no end. My mother would say, "Don't let it get to you." Whatever! I wonder, does she remember when she turned 39? Many would ask me what the deal is with 39. Shouldn't 40 piss me off? No - 40 doesn't scare me. However, looking back over the last 38 years and seeing where I am right now - that is not very fun, nor happy. But why? "Cara, you have a terrific husband, kids, and a good job." Well, yeah...I do...to all of the above. But I'm still not where I would like to be at this time in my life.
Nothing to be done about it now. Chalk up another one and move on.

Next, my ex was supposed to take the kids this weekend. He backed out, so now, the plans we had for tonight are screwed. Its not the kids' fault and I won't blame them of course. But he can be a real idiot.
In fact, let me ask you -- Would you send a birthday card to your ex-spouse? Well, mine did. Happy birthday to me.

I hope your weekend is much better than mine!
I CAN'T WAIT TILL MONDAY!

Missing in Action

No, I haven't been gone. Just busy! Yes, I know-excuses, excuses. Actually, things have been a little crazy. We had a house guest for the weekend...Melissa (her REAL name!). Our family met Melissa about 5 years ago. When Larry and I bought our house, and had to move the kids to a new school, etc., we needed to find someone who would be willing to pick up the kids for school in the morning, bring them home in the afternoon, and stay with them until one of us got home. The kids were pretty young then, and I really wasn't comfortable leaving them alone (truth was, I was afraid that Tyler might bury his sister in the backyard if left alone with her for too long!). I posted an ad at a local college, and Melissa was the first one to contact me. I invited her over for an interview, and we immediately clicked. She was going into social work, focusing on kids, and so it was a win/win for everyone! Melissa worked with us for 3 years until she graduated. By then, the kids were older and more able to look after themselves. Tyler was over wanting to bury his sister in the backyard, and MacKenzie was beyond freaking out every time I left the house. Melissa, went on to grad school, earning her master's degree this year. CONGRATULATIONS!! She was to attend a wedding back here for a college friend, and called to ask if she could stay with us for a few days. Well, what was I going to say but -- HELL NO! Just kidding. Of course she could stay with us. She got here last Thursday and left today. It was wonderful having her around again, and the kids had so much fun with her while she was here. She took them shopping, spoiled them rotten, and then left. Figures. We love her very much and hope to see her again soon. Our family became complete when Melissa came into our lives.

Mother's Day was wonderful. Mac got me some Bath and Body stuff - Exotic Coconut body spray (what? Do I stink?), Larry got me some CD racks for my vast collection (all George Strait, Reba McIntire, and the like), Tyler wrote me a sonnet (to be published at the end of this entry), and I bought myself some LiaSophia jewelry. Fun fun fun! We visited with my mom most of the afternoon yesterday, just relaxing on the porch, Larry put Mom's flower planter together (red geraniums, spike plants, dusty miller, and ivy), and we visited with the horses. The day was beautiful, breezy, and warm. I love Spring. It doesn't get much better than this around here!

Then there was today -- 91 degrees, windy and humid. GAG I thought I would suffocate. Tomorrow we are only supposed to get up to 65 - what does that mean? - STORMS!! Batten down the hatches, and hoist the...well...you get the picture.

I weighed in this morning. Crap - falling back the wrong way again. It was probably the french fries, and cookies I ate last week. Its amazing how that goes straight to my mid-section and the pounds inch back on after just one week. Of course, if I wouldn't eat that stuff nearly every day, I probably wouldn't have this problem. I know what I need to do - more fruits and veggies, more exercise, more sleep, and of course...more sex. Well, 3 out of 4 isn't bad I suppose. Mac and I took a walk at a nearby park that has a mile long walking trail - I made it one lap (1 mile) and I was done. Well, dammit, it was hot and humid. Not the best conditions for someone like me. We went grocery shopping and I got my new lifestyle (NOT another diet!) off to a fabulous start - for dinner we had Confetti Wraps (various diced veggies, turkey, low fat cheese, and reduced fat 1000 isl. dressing) that were just to die for! There is just enough for me to take some to work tomorrow for lunch. No french fries. No cookies. That is my new mantra.

I hope Mother's Day was extra special for all of you. I know that my children are the greatest gift that GOD could have ever given me. Sometimes I think that I don't deserve them, and other times, I think that I REALLY don't deserve them! Kiss your kids tonight and give them an extra hug. Whether we like it or not, we are in this parenting thing for the long haul - we may as well embarrass them while we can.

A Sonnet for my Mom - by: Tyler

A mothers love

A wondrous thing

With a passion burning

A brute force

That conquers hearts

That’s very sly and smart

Music of comfort

Calms the strongest storm

And keeps the little kids out of harm

Eyes of Beauty

That can puncture those that lie

And give a look which make you want to die

A heart of gold

That beats with a powerful delight

To separate her children when they start to fight

I love you mom

You are that one that means more

Than any sand you count on every single shore

I now would like to say to you

I love you bigger

Than the sky that’s blue

Now that says it all. I love you too, Buddy. ---Mom

The Most Beautiful Story

Remember back when you were little and you loved to have your mother read to you? I do. I remember Mom reading to me even when she was so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open. I remember her reading to me when I was sick and when I was well, when I was sad and when I was happy, when I was scared - well, you get the picture. The point is, that my mother put the love of reading into me when I was very very young. I still love to read. When I was pregnant with them, I read - when they were babies, I read - and then when they were just learning to read themselves, I read still more. They loved it, and I loved it. To this day, my young adolescents love to read. They enjoy being transported to that magical, imaginary land, that only a book can take you. At 13, Tyler has read all the Harry Potter novels, the CS Lewis series (classics!), and he reads anything he can get his hands on about dragons, dragon riders, dragon slayers, etc.

Then, there is MacKenzie - my 11 year old. She is more traditional in her choices. She loves anything by Judy Blume (and why not? I did too at her age), she likes Beverly Cleary, and her latest passion are the books about Sammy Keyes. Only now, MacKenzie reads to ... ME!! Nearly every night she asks me to lay in her bed with her and listen to her read. I love it. I put on my pj's, lie down on her bed, she sits so that her legs cross mine, I hold her blanket close to me (I love how it smells of her) and she reads to me. She has wonderful inflection and emotion in her voice. She understands the humor in the pages, and makes them even more funny. She puts in the occasional dramatic pause to make sure that I'm actually listening to her and not putting together a list in my head for the next day's activities. These days, MacKenzie prefers to read to me. Except tonight. She finished the 2nd chapter of Sammy Keyes and the Skeleton Man, and had started into the 3rd when suddenly Mac stopped. I looked at her and she was handing the book to me. I asked if she was finished for the night, and she said, "No, Mom. You read the rest of the chapter." I took the book from her hands, she lay next to me on her stomach watching me as I read. I was really out of practice when it came to reading to my kids, but the joy came back to me, washing warmth over me, reminding me of those little freshly bathed and combed toddlers, in their snuggly footed pajamas, yawning, thumbs in their mouths, "No, Mommy - more!" ringing in my ears, as I read one more page, and sleep drifted over them, transporting them to dreams of the stories I had read. Being the soft-hearted, pathetic that I am, I found myself feeling a little emotional by the end of the chapter, wondering where the time had gone. When we were finished, Mac told me about her day and how Math was getting easier for her. She told me I could go then. In other words - "Its past your bedtime! Get out of my room!"

MacKenzie Jo gave me an extra hug tonight, and an extra "I love you."

That is the Most Beautiful Story.

Monday Again

Monday...(sigh). I used to think that if we took Mondays out of the picture then I would be a lot happier. Then, I realized that it would be Tuesdays that I would loathe. I can't win no matter which day of the week is omitted from the calendar. Well, there ARE worse things than Mondays...only right now I can't think of any.

Knowing my penchant for the dramatic, I truly believed that there should be poetry out there dedicated to the plague that is Monday -- know what? -- THERE IS! Several actually. However, I will simply share one of my own:

Monday

Shit.

The End

Yes, very poetic indeed.

The Facts of Life...

...and I'm not talking about the TV show. For those of you who have no idea what TV show that is..never mind. Just read on. For the guys who read this blog who get squeamish at the thought of feminine issues, just go to ESPN or something for now.

MacKenzie got to see "the movie" at school on Friday. You know, the movie about puberty, her period, etc etc. She came home with samples of feminine products, a guide for her and one for me (not sure what THAT is all about! I would think I know all about this stuff after having 2 kids, but oh well, I'll take a look.) and all kinds of questions (wait a minute, didn't they answer those questions after the movie?). She was a little nervous, a little giggly, and somewhat embarrassed. That surprised me because she has seen this film before. Well, when I reminded her of this, she said, "No Mom, this was a different one. This time we learned about BOYS!!" When I asked her what she learned, she told me (I am not going into the details here) and I was a little surprised that they went into that much detail in 5th grade. When she asked why they needed to tell her that I explained that in the event she finds herself in a situation with a boy that she is concerned about, she will understand what is going on and be able to get out of it.

Since Mac was a baby, I have always said that when it came time to answer the tough questions about sex, I would be straight with her. I never expected those questions to come so soon! I figured she would be about 25 before she would come to me with this, not 11! Even after the movie and the class discussion, she had questions. She wanted to know why women have to have their period anyway. Now, I figured they would have at least told her what it was for, not just that she is going to get it. Maybe they did, she claims that there was no explanation other than that it was part of puberty. OH PLEASE! You know, I have no problem discussing sex with my daughter, but when the school sends home a permission slip for me to sign, stating that they are going to be having a "frank discussion" about reproduction with my child, that is what I expect them to do! Oh well it is MY job to do this after all, right?

So, I explained the function of the uterine lining to my little girl, and I explained that I no longer get my period because of a hysterectomy I had 6 years ago (THANK THE LORD!!) She looked at me, tilted her head to one side, and said, "Cool. Can I go practice the piano now?" That was that. She was simply looking for a straight answer. I gave her one, and there was nothing more to it.

Yeah, MacKenzie -- "Cool."

Timing is Everything

I believe this to be true with all my heart. No matter what one is doing, thinking or planning, the timing has to be PERFECT or it isn't going to work out. Name one thing that doesn't require timing...I bet you can't (well, maybe you can, but humor me).

Take for instance -- love. Yes, deep subject for a woman who has been married, had 2 kids, divorced, married again, and adopted a cat. The cat aside, lets focus on the relationships. When I married the first time I was 21 - he was 55. Yes, I realize that is a big age difference and I also realize that my timing was off. I was very young, and at times I think, very stupid. It lasted nearly 10 years and 2 great kids were the product. Which brings me to the kids - I was 25 when Tyler was born and 27 with Mac. Great timing! They were both January babies, 2 years apart, and I was in the prime of my maternal life. I was young enough not to be in the retirement home by the time they graduate, and mature enough to get through natural childbirth (that's right -- no drugs!). In the summer of 1999 the marriage fell apart. The reasons are not important, and the timing was inconvenient. I don't know that there is ever a good time for a split like that. It was hard on all of us, but turned out good in the end. Then, there was Larry. Like I wrote in an earlier post, I have known him most of my life. He is and always will be my first love. When we met, the timing was bad. I was too young and he was - well - shall we say unavailable for consultation. But time heals all and patience truly is a virtue. We married in the summer of 2002 and will celebrate our 5th anniversary this June.

What is my point? Well, no one plans to fall in love. It just happens. I fell in love with my children the moment I found out I was pregnant. I fell in love with my car when I got it (yes, I know -- get a grip). I fell in love with the company I work for. All my friends and family know that I love them, as I make sure to tell them often. Where was I? Oh right -- "no one plans to fall in love.." So, how does it work exactly? How does one fall in love and when is the timing right for it? I think where people are concerned, you fall in love when you realize that there is an emotional connection between you. Both parties are investing their time and energy into the relationship. With men and women, it can be that moment when you realize that you cannot imagine a world without that person in it. For best friends, it can be the same thing -- you cannot imagine your world without that person there. As for the timing - when its right it just happens. When it does, sometimes it surprises the hell out of the person on the giving end and can potentially lead to doing stupid things. Sometimes it scares the one on the receiving end. Sometimes its beautiful - and THAT is good timing.

Timing is everything. It is in our very beings. Our lives are timed; in years, months, days, hours, minutes, right down to the second. Can you remember the moment that you fell in love?
I do. It was today.