Renewed Resolve

On May 21st, on this very blog, I made a promise to work hard to get myself in shape. Nearly a month later, I'm in no better shape than I was then. In fact, I'm probably worse off. Damn! I hate the thought that I failed - once again. Well....I can't fail anymore. I need to get my mind set in the right place, and really try. This time, I'm turning to the pharmaceutical world for help. A new weight loss aid hit the market this week -- alli. Perhaps you have heard of it? Well, if not, let me give you a quick run down:

It is a medication that when used with a low-fat diet, and exercise (there's the kicker - pun intended) can help you lose more weight than with dieting alone. It works in the digestive system, rather than tricking your mind or unnaturally increasing your heart rate with stimulants; and it blocks some of the fat that I eat. So...in a sense, it is a negative form of reinforcement. If I eat a meal that is high in fat content when I'm taking the medication, I could have uncontrollable bowel movements. That alone is incentive enough to eat veggies and fruit!

I'm at the point now where if I don't do something, I'll end up in bad bad shape. I'm not ugly (so I've been told) and I can still see my feet. However, I would like to see my neck again, and I know that people are only supposed to have one chin! I want my heart not to beat like a bass drum just from walking up the stairs. I want to be able to chase and run with my kids at the park without feeling like I need to call someone to bring me the AED and call 911. I want to be able to put on a bathing suit and not feel like everyone is looking at me saying to each other, "I thought that they outlawed whaling!" I just want to be the person I am inside, only on the outside too. Just once I want to be the woman who looks great for 40 (next year) and can share clothes with her teen aged daughter. I'm going through with this. I'm determined. I can see the goal -- if I have my contacts in -- and I'm going to go for it! I have support - I have the alli website, I have the book, I have my friends (one of them is doing this with me, bless her heart), and I have my family. Most of all, I have GOD. I am praying for strength. I am praying for power. I am praying that the next time I eat meat, I don't poop myself!

Wish me luck!