Late Nights

It never ceases to amaze me how my mind comes alive late at night. Alive with people, stories, thoughts, and dreams; even more so than when I'm sleeping. Everyone is in bed. The house is quiet, and I have the peacefulness to myself. I love this time of night. It doesn't seem to matter how tired I am. If I can get these few moments of silence to myself, I want to throw myself into them fully and tonight is no exception. I worked late, going in for another 3 hours after my usual 8 during the day. Just earning a little extra cash before the holidays are upon us.

MacKenzie called me at about 10pm, wanting to know when I would be home so that I could tuck her in. She's 12 and she still wants me to tuck her in. :-) When I got home at a little after 10, all the lights were burning in the house. Larry was asleep, Mac was getting ready for bed, and Tyler was showering. It took them all of 15 minutes to settle down, turn out the lights, and drift off, leaving me alone in the solitary light of the computer screen, and the occasional sigh from Lexie my Black Lab in the next room. I'm relaxed now. I'm reflecting on the events of my day; the going away celebration for my dear friend, Jen, who was promoted; the birthday of another co-worker, Pam, which she celebrated by wearing her pink tiara (she turns 55 this weekend); and of course, Boss's Day. Gifts were showered on my boss, Barb, and as always, she was embarrassed...telling us we didn't have to, blah blah blah. I got quite a bit of work completed for a change as there was only one meeting to go to. I'm thinking of goals I'm setting for myself (to be more organized; to finish my degree very soon; to eventually promote out of the position I'm in), and what it is going to take to achieve them. I'm thinking about the physical therapy I will be going through next week to try and work through this pain in my lower back that just seems to be getting worse all the time. One would think that with all of this activity in the gray matter of my being, that I would be too wound up to sleep, too wide awake. Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it.

I look at it as an opportunity to review the events of today, plan for tomorrow, and just be. This is when I have nothing to prove, no one to impress, and no deadline to meet. I get to just be myself and all that I am. I get to dream about what I want out of the rest of my life. I have license to wonder about things I normally wouldn't. If I want to be someone completely different, I can, because this is my time.

Now and then, as the minutes tick by, I'll hear footsteps down the hallway - one of the kids hitting the kitchen for another drink of something, or Larry coming to the top of the stairway to yell to me, "Are you going to bed sometime tonight?" I always laugh to myself when he does that and think, Of course I am. Sleep doesn't come easily to me on nights like this. I would rather just sit here and write rather than lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, with no outlet for the thoughts that are racing through my mind. Unloading those thoughts is the best way to release the tension and put myself in the right frame of mind to give myself up to unconscious dreams.

I wonder about other people out there - do they have this love of the nocturnal in common with me?

What about YOU? Are you an early riser, or a night owl like I am? What do you do when you can't sleep right away? What thoughts and wishes run through your mind, when you are the only one awake, and no one can hear your thoughts but God? Think of this as a safe space; tell me your secrets, and I'll tell you mine.