"Good-bye." We say it to our spouse, children, and/or pet when we leave for work or school, we say it to our co-workers at the end of our workday, we say it to the person on the other end of the phone when the conversation has ended, and sometimes we even say it to a lover when it is time for the relationship to end. The definition of the word goodbye means simply, farewell. When we say, "Farewell," to someone, we are expressing the hope that their travels are safe, and they get to their next destination without incident. For me, "Good-bye," means a change in one's life.
I have two younger brothers, and the youngest, Adam, is the one that I am the closest to. I was 8 years old when "AJ" was born. I thought he was the most precious thing I had ever seen, and i wanted nothing more than to be with him. Mom was great about letting me help dress, feed, bathe, and change him. No wonder we grew up to be good friends as well as brother and sister. As he and I got older, our relationship grew even closer. When I was 16, got a drivers license, a car, and a job, I didn't let those things come between us. Fridays in the summer were days for Adam and me. I would take him to a movie or out to lunch, or sometimes even both. While many of my friends were shunning little brothers and sisters, I loved it when Adam came along with me. Back then, he called me, "Sissy." He followed me around, and I loved it. I played softball then, and Adam would come into the dugout and be our water boy or bat boy - codewords for "mascot." He wore shirts like the team, and "coached" us from the dugout, "Choke up, Sissy!....Right-field hole!" After the game, the "little dirtball" would run the bases, sliding into each one with purpose and intensity, his white-blond hair stained with the dust and dirt of the field, his face darkened by the same, and there was always the grin after sliding into home. He was full of boundless energy, and his smile was catching.
When he was in high school, I was in the process of starting my family. Tyler was a baby then, and we would go and watch Adam play baseball for his high school team. Tyler had a onesie that I fabric painted the colors of Adam's team, and my nephew being only 3 mos. older than Tyler, had one too. We came out and cheered for "Uncle Adam," and his teammates, and Adam loved it. He would hold them both, posing for pictures, kissing each one and beaming.
Adam has grown now into a wonderful man; a loving, Christian father and husband, a responsible member of society, a working man. Yet, he is still my baby brother, and it is hard for me to see him any other way. Somehow, I still feel responsible for him in that big sister sort of way, knowing that should he need me, I would be there for him...and him for me. Adam's wife, is from a little town about 5 hours from here. She misses her family after being away from them for about five years as she and Adam were building a life for their family. The time has come for them to move closer to her family. They have sold their home here, found a new one there, and tomorrow, they will make the drive, children and belongings in tow, to their new home. Last night, we met at Mom's to have dinner together and to say, "Good-bye."
I have had plenty of time to prepare for this. I've known about their impending move for some time now. When I first heard the news, I was upset, and I couldn't understand why they would want to make a move like this. They both had good jobs, the schools, medical care, and cost of living here is pretty decent. I even felt a little betrayed. Yet, the more I thought about it from their point of view, the more accepting I became. Their children need to get to know their mom's side of the family; aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. It isn't like they can't come back to visit or we can't visit them. It isn't Timbuktu for Heaven's sake! So, I talked myself into this move being a good thing for Adam and his family. A way for them to grow in their relationships with the rest of the family, and with each other. I looked at our get-together last night as a going-away party. And then the time came...
We ate Mom's chili, we laughed, we talked (all at once of course). I played with my 3 year old niece who promptly told me, "Cara! I am just about 4!!" A very precocious 4, I might add. I spent much time cuddling my 2 month old nephew, rocking him, talking to him, and getting to see that heart tugging smile of his. We exchanged new pictures of the kids, took more photos with Mom and Dad, my Grandma, and my mother's sisters. Tyler, MacKenzie, and I were the last to leave. I waited until the last possible moment before saying my good-bye. I hugged and kissed my niece, and I asked her if she would call me sometimes. "Of course, Aunt Cara!" was her incredulous reply. My baby nephew was sleeping, oblivious to it all, in his mother's arms and I hugged her and told her that I loved her. Then, Adam...I had promised myself that I would not cry when I said good-bye to my brother, but all the positive self-talk in the world could not have prepared me for the rush of emotion I experienced as I put my arms around him, kissed him on the cheek and told him I loved him. The tears came anyway. I hugged him tighter and told him that I would miss him. The word good-bye never passed my lips. I wished them a safe move, and we left.
In retrospect, there are many of things I wish I would have told my brother before he left, but at the same time, our simple parting left the door wide open. He isn't gone forever. He is just living in another part of the state. Still, I am used to having all of my family close by. We kids, always close to Mom. Everyone comes to birthday parties, holiday gatherings and is only a phone call away should trouble arise, or if someone needs someone to laugh with. Now, I kind of feel like an only child. My other brother is off doing his own thing, and we don't hear from him often, if at all. Now with Adam further away, it's just me. I miss them already. I know that in a couple of months, we will see them all again for the holidays. So in the meantime, I will pray for their safety and happiness, I will write them often, keeping them up to date on the goings on back here at home, and I will carry them all in my heart when we are apart from one another.
Good-bye. Au revoir. Slán libh. Valete. Adios.
No matter how it is said, it always means....
Farewell.
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