Missing Month

I cannot believe I skipped the entire month of August without posting!! I'm sure that no one really noticed my absence, but I'm back just the same. Let's evaluate where we left off, shall we?

The last post was about the realization that my husband is not perfect (GASP!) and that I would be a fool if I tried to change him. Still true. I am also, more than ever, thankful for my friendships with others. They are helping to keep me sane (as much as possible, anyway). What else? Oh yes...my expression of appreciation for the love I receive from God. Still true.

So, to catch up on the strangeness, the obsessions, and the latest installment in what has become the soap opera of my life, I begin this entry with....
WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!

My shrink assures me that the fluctuations in my mood, the ups and downs of my personality, and the lack of concentration are all due to my ADHD and my depression-anxiety disorders. No, I am NOT crazy. Emotionally challenged is a better description. As long as I get the proper dosages of my medications everyday, I behave quite normally. In fact, I have felt quite sane in recent weeks. At least until September 16th. September 16th was the day I began detailing in my mind, a new emotion, an obsession if you will, that has taken up residence in my consciousness of late. I'm wonder if it is time to come out of the closet (not like that!); face the music; charge in with guns blazing and ask questions later...well, not so much. It is easy to think these things. It is easy to be brave when the only other person around is behind a closed door watching the Cubs play. It is easy to say, difficult to act upon. And the truth is, I won't act. It would be irresponsible, it would be against everything I believe in, and there are too many other reasons not to. Yet, at just the thought of the other possibility, the tigers that have taken up residence in my stomach go bouncing around like on those inflatable bouncy-things kids play in. I am a mess, a wreck, a head-case, and a whole host of other descriptors for people in my situation. But, I am an adult. I must act responsibly. I have young ones looking to me for answers to life's problems. Then there is the proverbial "devil on my shoulder" telling me that the only thing I have to lose is my sanity, and that sanity is highly overrated. No... I will remain stoic; a picture of resolve. I will go about my daily routine as though I am the strong, sensible person that most everyone who-really-doesn't- know me, but thinks they do- believes that I am. I am determined to live through this latest phase of my life. I will come out unscathed, heart intact, and strong.

I think my phone is ringing....