Home Improvement

Hammer and nails; plaster and paint; blood and sweat. Yes, these are the tools of every one's home improvement projects. Well, almost every one's. If it were as easy to mend a heart as it is to paint a room, everyone in the world would be blissfully, incandescently happy all the time. But that is just not the way it is. However, I am now embarking on my own "home improvement" project. The wounds, while still burning, are beginning to heal. I'm beginning to feel a little warm again (never mind that it was in the 90s today), and feeling a little warmth in return. What happened? Good question. Let's review...

I have been complaining about Larry. His never ending fatigue, his negativity, his harshness with the kids, and his outright avoidance of me. All are valid concerns and deserved to be voiced. Yet, perhaps I didn't see the whole picture. I would like to say that this was all his fault, that I could not have been responsible for single cloud in the atmosphere of our household. But that would not be fair to either of us, and frankly, wouldn't be accurate. I AM just as, if not more, responsible than he. There, I have confessed, it is in writing and writing is forever (except on the Internet - you can delete anything).
I was wrong. There, I said it...wrong. A friend of mine and I had a conversation recently that really made me stop and assess the situation. I asked him if he had ever felt this way - he said that he hadn't, but that doesn't mean that he and his wife agree all the time either. He is a big believer of talking it out. She isn't. Sometimes it gets heated, but it always gets worked out. He attributed his long relationship to his faith in God and love for their church. He said that he would keep us in his prayers in hopes that things "work themselves out." Later that night, I had trouble sleeping (ya think?) and as I laid there thinking of the things that my friend had said, acknowledging that I had to take part (if not all) responsibility for what was happening to us, I realized that Larry is doing the best he can. He is faithful, kind, and pretty normal considering my past experiences. He does love the kids-he just doesn't have as much patience with them as I do. I can help him with that by being patient with him.

So, all in all, this has been one of those things I need to chalk up to experience and move on. No dwelling, obsessing, or wondering. God put us together for a reason, and only He knows what that reason is. He has given me a partner for life. Someone that I can depend on, someone who will love me no matter what, and even though there will be times when we don't agree, we need to work to make sure that the sun does not go down upon our anger. We need to work things out before they get blown out of proportion like this drama queen tends to do on a regular basis.
I will continue to pray, and I will continue to lay my troubles on God. I will give up control to Him (I'll TRY to anyway) and let him lead me to where I belong.

Thank you my friend, for being there for me, for being my sounding board, and for helping direct my attention back where it needs to be - to the Cross and to my home.
I will never forget you for this, and I will forever be in your debt.

Matthew 11:28-30. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.