Juggling

Some would say I am a professional juggler. Not the kind who juggles knives, fire, or lawn and garden tractors, but the kind who juggles LIFE. I have a full time job that I love, I work 8 hours a day everyday; I have a family that has a calendar full of activities and appointments; and I am a "nearly middle-aged" woman with hobbies, hopes, and dreams of her own that need attention. And in the face of too little time, too little money, and sometimes too little enthusiasm, I manage to "juggle" it all. Of course, the job, and the family always seem to come first. I suppose that is ok, considering that I have always been one to cater to the needs of others before my own. Yet, this morning, I was looking in the mirror and wondering where the time has gone. What happened to my dreams? Do I still have them? Yes. Are they still attainable? Well, possibly. I guess my dream of being a veterinarian or a brain surgeon (they are closely related professions) are both out of the question at this time in my life. By the time I got done with the schooling and residencies required, it would be necessary to switch my specialty to Geriatrics so that I would be able to diagnose my own aches and pains. Yes, I think that there is still time for me.

But what do I dream about now? Good question, and not one that is easily answered. When I was younger, I had dreams of the important profession, one that would make me rich, famous, or both. I thought maybe I would be a doctor, a teacher, or a firefighter - just like any other kid dreams of. When I got a little older, I thought it would be great to go to college, and learn something useful - and still be rich, famous, or both. When I turned 21, I thought the best thing for me was to be married, and begin my family. At 25, my Tyler was born. At 27, MacKenzie. Then at 31 I divorced their father and tried to find myself once again. This time, as a single mom. At 33, I married my soul-mate - Larry. And now, at 40, I'm still wondering about my life and the course it is headed on. My dreams change yearly; my goals almost as frequently. I wonder if this is as good as it is going to get for me. I don't mean that in a negative way, I just wonder.
I will keep juggling. I will juggle my job, my family and my dreams. I will continue on this path of self-discovery. I will see it all through to the very end.
I need to stop questioning the "why" of this and that. I need to start asking questions that can be answered.

Someone once told me:
Run joyfully toward life and embrace it with open arms. Each day brings its own treasure in the flavors, aromas, sights, sounds, situations, experiences and interactions that come your way.
Don't get bogged down attempting to resist or deny what has already happened. Put your energy into using what you have to make life better than ever.
Embrace the beauty, the joy, the wonder and the abundance of life. At the same time, embrace the challenges, the setbacks, the disappointments and the difficulties.
Be genuinely thankful for every moment, whatever it may contain. For in each moment is your opportunity to fully live, to grow, to learn, to experience, to share and to create unique, lasting value.
Welcome the ever-changing richness of life as it dances before your eyes in ways you've never seen before. Join passionately in that dance and be a part of the richness.
Follow the winding path as it moves up, down, over and around through the steadily increasing abundance and fulfillment of your life. Know more fully, as each moment passes, the profound joy of being.