On a Good Note

There have been numerous times during the course of this blog where I have extolled the virtues of my wonderful children; their accomplishments, their intelligence, their talents. Today, I would just like to ask, "Does anyone need a spare teenage boy?" Seriously, I love my Tyler. I really do. If I didn't, the decisions he makes, and the things he does as a result wouldn't get to me the way they do. Take today for instance:

On the way to the orthodontist to get their braces adjusted (yes, both of them), I get a phone call from the associate principal at their school (*please note that names have been changed to protect the - well - you know).

"Hello, Cara?"

"Yes. This is Cara."

"This is Roger Niederman*, Associate Principal at...There was an incident today involving Tyler and I would like to discuss it with you further."

Well, seeing how my phone is linked to the Bluetooth system in my car, and seeing how both of my children are sitting there waiting to see if Mt. St. Helen's is going to erupt from my mouth at these ominous words, I ask if he can call me back in a few minutes. He willingly agrees. I courteously close the interaction and turn to my son, "Do you want to tell me what is going on before I hear it from him?"

Tyler sheepishly nods his head, knowing that he is in deep. He proceeds to tell me about an altercation with another boy; a 7th grader no less; who has been the thorn in dear Tyler's side for some time now. Tyler has acne-what teen doesn't really- and this kid has been teasing Tyler about it. Tyler claims that it doesn't really bother him, that it is just this other kid being childish, but I can tell that it does. If it didn't, we wouldn't be here right now. Anyway - yesterday Tyler and this other boy (I'll call him Jake for the sake of the story), Jake, had an "appointment" behind the school to duke it out and get it over with. Jake didn't show; and he didn't show up today either. Tyler saw him getting on the bus and confronted him,

"Hey, how come you aren't back of the school?"

"I don't want to fight," Jake replies.

"Whatever," Tyler says and begins to walk away to head home, which is only about 2 blocks from the school. Just as Tyler passes behind the bus, Jake leans out the window and yells, "Pussy! I could beat your ass!"

Needless to say, Tyler hears him, throws down his backpack, boards the bus and gets right into Jake's face, daring him to start it. The bus driver has to physically remove Tyler from the bus, and that is where is ends...for Tyler.

According to Mr. Niederman, no sooner did Tyler leave the bus, but another kid on the bus started picking on Jake for not standing up to Tyler. The picking turned into a full blown brawl, and the bus had to return to the school as a result. So, the concern is not that Tyler confronted this boy, it was that the confrontation caused an uprising. Jake and the boy that fought him were both suspended. Yes, this is the last week of school. So, what happens to Tyler? What are his consequences for his role in this story? Suspension? No. Tyler is going to have office detention for the next 2 afternoons after school. During which time, his teachers, in an effort to give him one last chance to pull up some of his sagging grades, will give him extra work to complete and turn in for credit.

Mr. N says to Tyler, "I care about you, Tyler. I want to see you end the school year on a good note." He tells him that he things of him as a high school student now and that Tyler needs to start making choices that would befit such maturity. His teachers are giving him one more chance to make a positive impact on his academics. This is really special and not something they would do for anyone. In fact, his Math teacher said, "My grade book closed today, but for Tyler, I will open it again and let him earn more credit." That says a lot to me, and I hope it does to him too.

Tyler is so concerned about his image; whether others perceive him as cool or not. He told me that fighting was a way of getting respect. I told him that fighting is a way of getting respect out of fear-bullying. He said that respect was respect. I disagreed vehemently, "Fighting makes you look like a coward. It takes someone of very strong character to walk away from a fight." This is a fight you can't win, Tyler. No matter what, everyone will lose. Jake will lose his dignity. You will lose respect for fighting someone younger and weaker than you.

I will lose money because all it will take is one lucky punch and your braces are history.

Think about it. You are a bright, talented, young man. You have a future filled with potential and there is nothing you can't do. Middle school is over. Get through this last week doing exactly what you are expected to do. Try it out; you might like how it feels. You have grown up so much these last 3 years and I am so proud of you. Show me that you have the maturity to handle high school. Show me that you are ready to move on to the next chapter of your life. Never forget the lessons you learned in middle school though, and never forget how much your teachers, administrators, and counselor cared for you. You are truly special to all who have come into your life.

Especially me.